This post is a first for many reasons. The cat has been sick on my keyboard and as a result of cleaning it, it has now rendered my computer useless. Secondly I have now had to post this using my phone, very cosy. Thirdly I have never posted about depression. Perhaps considering the subject matter, using my phone allows me to be a little less formal that if I was sat in front of a computer keyboard.
Like many of you I have had my depressive moments. Like many of you I have had life changing moments. I don’t mind sharing the following with you. When I was 13 year’s old and laid in bed my mother came into my bedroom and told me she was leaving. She had had enough of her marriage to my father and that was it, she was gone. I won’t spare you the distress it caused me but over the next three years I became glued to my headphones, imaging I was the lead singer of what ever band that cared to be in the top ten. I also cycled on my bike constantly and I mean constantly. Over those three years I damaged my hearing and became very very fit.
Depression has been described as that big black dog or as I prefer to describe it, as the title of this blog aludes to, trying to jump out of your skin. I have never suffered long term depression but I know people that have. Make no mistake about it, it is an illness that can debilitate those unfortunate enough to suffer it. No reasonable argument against those black thoughts can sway those having them. Quite literally, for some people, the world is about to end.
For a rational mind,the thought of impending doom can be hard to handle. For a tormentented soul one can only imagine the sheer terror that person feels. Chemical and electrical interventions are usually the last resort. How on earth does one get through all this?
As a Family Liaision Officer I am suposed to have mandatory counselling session once a year. I cant remember the last time i talked to someone. But, I think it is important that you do speak with someone. It grounds you in reality, let’s you give the opportunity to pour out your heart and most importantly makes you realise that you are not the only one feeling the things that you do. For the depressive the most awful thing of all is the loneliness of your despair.
I can tell you things to lift your spirit and lift they will but all for a moment until you once again slip into your depths of despair..
Perhaps the most important things we can say are from the people that have been there. It gives those words litigimousy and creates trust to those that yearn to hear a comforting word. I have been there and from time to time return.
It really does turn out okay in the end, and if it’s not okay then it isn’t the end.