Every story has its end.

the end

A blank screen.  Like a writer facing a blank page its difficult to to know how to start. Perhaps I will start will this.

I am grieving in advance.

My mother has suffered declining health for many years now but in the last few months the down turn has been dramatic.  6 stone in weight, almost as much as I had lost from my heaviest back to normality. Now immobile and so weak as to unable to walk safely I went last week to install a proper stair case at her home so she wouldn’t fall down the stairs.  In that short period of time she can no longer walk at all.

Over the last 12 months I have had scares that have caused me to take time off at work at very short notice. Clearly a very sick woman.  The latest episode several weeks ago, she was hallucinating seeing pixies and thinking my 16 year old son was the Prime Minister and how good he looked in his suit. 

I have taken the decision to grieve in advance.  I am not saying my mum is going to expire any time soon but I have to prepare myself for the moment.  I grieve in advance because I have to be strong for those that are left behind when that moment does come.

I have to be strong for my wife, my sons and perhaps most importantly my step father who god bless him him has become a full time carer for my mum.

She is currently in hospital with yet another unexplained episode and getting weaker by the day. I wont bore you with her medical details and nor would I do to preserve the dignity of both my mother and her husband.  Needless to say it is a very difficult time.

Perhaps a strange decision of mine but I’ll work through the loss now so when it happens, I can be there for the people I love and need me.

Finally every story does have an end. In real life it is rarely a happy ending as no one wants to say good bye to a loved one. As long as its a happy story up until the end then thats all we can ask for.

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About Walk the Talk

I have been a Police Officer for 20 years. It’s fair to say I have just about seen it all. I have spent my service working major town centres on response seeing all that life can throw at a human being. But, for the last eight years I have been on the road policing unit in its various guises. It is on this unit that I have seen life transpire to deal its cruelest hand. Both as an investigating officer and a family liaison officer, I have witnessed tragedy that at times I am at a loss to understand and at worse comprehend. Wholly committed to saving lives, this is the role of the road policing officer. As I have gotten older and realising that my emotional sponge is saturated I have looked and taken a very real interest in personal wellbeing and how WE can make our life experience better what ever we do. Taking the media of blogging a stage further I now produce podcasts on that topic. Join me if you would on an evolving journey that no doubt will produce a few surprises along the way.
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5 Responses to Every story has its end.

  1. Thoughts are with you Dave, I understand how you are grieving for the woman she was xx

  2. John West says:

    So sorry to hear this news but I think your decision is a brave one. All I can add is our thoughts are with you and your family.

  3. Helen says:

    This is my story too, almost identical. I share your pain and distress and have started the grieving process in the vain hope that when the time comes the pain will be less. So sorry.

  4. I am so sorry to hear this, been there and it is so tough x thoughts with you and your family x

  5. Brackendale says:

    no matter how ill someone is, it is so hard to see them poorly like this. Went through the same with my Mum and its so hard for everyone concerned. Thoughts with you and your family.

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