A blank screen. Like a writer facing a blank page its difficult to to know how to start. Perhaps I will start will this.
I am grieving in advance.
My mother has suffered declining health for many years now but in the last few months the down turn has been dramatic. 6 stone in weight, almost as much as I had lost from my heaviest back to normality. Now immobile and so weak as to unable to walk safely I went last week to install a proper stair case at her home so she wouldn’t fall down the stairs. In that short period of time she can no longer walk at all.
Over the last 12 months I have had scares that have caused me to take time off at work at very short notice. Clearly a very sick woman. The latest episode several weeks ago, she was hallucinating seeing pixies and thinking my 16 year old son was the Prime Minister and how good he looked in his suit.
I have taken the decision to grieve in advance. I am not saying my mum is going to expire any time soon but I have to prepare myself for the moment. I grieve in advance because I have to be strong for those that are left behind when that moment does come.
I have to be strong for my wife, my sons and perhaps most importantly my step father who god bless him him has become a full time carer for my mum.
She is currently in hospital with yet another unexplained episode and getting weaker by the day. I wont bore you with her medical details and nor would I do to preserve the dignity of both my mother and her husband. Needless to say it is a very difficult time.
Perhaps a strange decision of mine but I’ll work through the loss now so when it happens, I can be there for the people I love and need me.
Finally every story does have an end. In real life it is rarely a happy ending as no one wants to say good bye to a loved one. As long as its a happy story up until the end then thats all we can ask for.